#5: Change “Should” to “Could” and Notice What Shifts
In my work with women, there are a few themes that come up again and again. Different seasons. Different stories. Very similar internal experiences.
Whenever I notice this, I’m reminded of something I say often in coaching conversations.
This is not a you problem. It is a human one.
So many women carry quiet shame around the things they struggle with. They assume everyone else has figured it out. That they are behind. That they should be able to handle this better on their own.
When you are in the middle of it, it can feel isolating. Like no one else would understand. Like you just need to push through.
But the moment women step into honest conversation, especially in a shared space, something powerful happens.
They realize they are not alone.
They are not broken.
They are not failing at life.
This is one of the reasons I believe so deeply in both one on one work and group coaching. There is something incredibly grounding about realizing that what you are experiencing is shared. That relief alone creates space for clarity.
The weight of “should”
One of the most common patterns I see in women is the quiet pressure of “should.”
I should be doing more.
I should be spending my time differently.
I should not need this.
I should be able to handle it all.
These thoughts often show up when women are trying to invest in themselves. Time. Energy. Money. Space.
I hear it often.
Women who want to invest in something that would support their growth, but feel guilty because they think that money should go somewhere else.
Women who want a few quiet minutes in the morning, but feel pulled away by dishes, laundry, or unfinished tasks.
Women who sit down to journal, pray, or breathe and immediately feel the pressure of everything else they should be doing.
And I understand this deeply.
As a wife and mom, I know how easy it is to believe that serving others means putting yourself last. That leadership looks like sacrifice without margin. That being good means being constantly available.
I lived that way for a season.
And I will tell you honestly what happened when I let the “shoulds” run my days.
I became impatient, and exhausted.
I felt constantly stretched.
I lost my sense of joy and presence.
I was doing all the right things on the outside, but inside I felt disconnected from myself.
When I began to notice this pattern and realized that no one wins when I live from obligation, things started to shift.
Noticing where “should” shows up for you
If this resonates, pause for a moment.
Where do “should” thoughts show up most in your life right now?
Is it during your mornings
While you are working
When you are resting
When you are spending time with your family
When you are trying to invest in yourself
These thoughts often sound responsible, but they are usually rooted in guilt.
“Should” statements are heavy.
They imply failure.
They create pressure.
They pull you out of choice.
And over time, they keep you stuck in patterns that are driven by shame rather than clarity.
The power of a simple reframe
Here is one of the most practical tools I share with women.
When a “should” thought shows up, gently replace it with “could.”
At first, it sounds almost too simple.
But stay with me.
Imagine you finally sit down for a quiet morning. Coffee in hand. Journal open. The house still.
And then the thought comes.
“I should be cleaning the kitchen right now.”
Pause.
Reframe it.
“I could be cleaning the kitchen right now.”
That one word changes everything.
“Should” tells you that you are doing something wrong.
“Could” reminds you that you have a choice.
Yes, you could clean the kitchen.
And you could also choose to take these few minutes because you know they help you feel grounded, patient, and clear.
A clean kitchen may matter.
But so does your inner state.
And you are allowed to choose.
Why this matters more than you think
When you change “should” to “could,” you move out of obligation and back into agency.
You stop proving.
You stop defending.
You stop quietly resenting your own needs.
Instead, you begin asking a different question.
What choice supports the kind of woman I want to be today
That question leads to clarity.
Clarity leads to steadiness.
And steadiness changes how you show up everywhere.
Try this today…
The next time a “should” thought shows up, pause and say:
I could do that. And I am choosing this instead.
Notice what happens in your body.
Notice the relief.
Notice the confidence.
This is not about doing less or caring less.
It is about learning to live from intention rather than pressure.
And that shift matters.
If this resonates, it is the kind of work we do together in deeper ways through coaching and The Aligned Method. You do not have to untangle these patterns alone.
And if you try this reframe today, I would love to hear what you notice — connect with me here in the DM’s so I can encourage you!
P.S. Want more mindset tools just like this? That’s just one part of what you’ll get in The Aligned Method, my signature group coaching program - click here to learn more and get on the waitlist!